Queer & Christian?
Here is a place where those struggling to reconcile being queer and Christian can ask questions, explore their thoughts and have dialogue/conversations with queer people. Here's the story that begins this conversation. So, PLEASE feel to jump in and remember, keep the conversation respectful!
Hi Adele!
Thanks again for being willing to field some questions. We can make this a discussion if you want so that others may benefit.
Like I had said, I am from Western PA and lead a small group of emerging Christ followers North of Pittsburgh in the city of Butler. I have been on the conservative side of queer and Christianity most of my life, but have always tried to be very sensitive and compassionate to those who are queer. I have worked with teenagers for about 11 yrs and have seen alot of changes in our culture in regards to acceptance and tolerance. Not wanting to make generalizations, but I have noticed that those guys and girls who struggled with sexual identity had some similar experiential backgrounds. What I have noticed is that there is a Father who is abusive or overbearing, or not there at all and not a good example in the marriage as a husband or Dad. I have also noticed that there are some similar experiences they share, like acting out sexually very early and exploring sexuality.
To get right to it my previous view has been that being queer, or having those tendencies is not wrong, but acting on it sexually is. Previously I have considered queer as being a choice one makes, but is heavily influenced by ones experiences that could lead one to even feel that they were born this way.
I do believe that we make generalizations in society about who is queer and who is not by someones characteristics and personality alone.
Now I am not sure of a few things. I still am under the opinion that someone is not born queer, but experiences influence one to explore the lifestyle. I used to believe that it was a sin and that someone who is queer could not be Christian and that person would be lost for eternity, but my emerging view of following Christ is questioning that, for I have met some people who are far more about living the Kingdom of God than the straightest of people.
The problem (and question) I have is how to marry the two, being queer and being Christian.
Sorry so wordy, and there's not a lot of straightforward questions, but hoping that you can see where I'm coming from. What's your perspective?
Jim
Hi Adele!
Thanks again for being willing to field some questions. We can make this a discussion if you want so that others may benefit.
Like I had said, I am from Western PA and lead a small group of emerging Christ followers North of Pittsburgh in the city of Butler. I have been on the conservative side of queer and Christianity most of my life, but have always tried to be very sensitive and compassionate to those who are queer. I have worked with teenagers for about 11 yrs and have seen alot of changes in our culture in regards to acceptance and tolerance. Not wanting to make generalizations, but I have noticed that those guys and girls who struggled with sexual identity had some similar experiential backgrounds. What I have noticed is that there is a Father who is abusive or overbearing, or not there at all and not a good example in the marriage as a husband or Dad. I have also noticed that there are some similar experiences they share, like acting out sexually very early and exploring sexuality.
To get right to it my previous view has been that being queer, or having those tendencies is not wrong, but acting on it sexually is. Previously I have considered queer as being a choice one makes, but is heavily influenced by ones experiences that could lead one to even feel that they were born this way.
I do believe that we make generalizations in society about who is queer and who is not by someones characteristics and personality alone.
Now I am not sure of a few things. I still am under the opinion that someone is not born queer, but experiences influence one to explore the lifestyle. I used to believe that it was a sin and that someone who is queer could not be Christian and that person would be lost for eternity, but my emerging view of following Christ is questioning that, for I have met some people who are far more about living the Kingdom of God than the straightest of people.
The problem (and question) I have is how to marry the two, being queer and being Christian.
Sorry so wordy, and there's not a lot of straightforward questions, but hoping that you can see where I'm coming from. What's your perspective?
Jim
Replies to This Discussion
-
Permalink Reply by Existential Punk on
-
Jim,
i am going to give a bit of my background first. If this sparks any questions, please feel free to ask!
i come from a legalistic, charismatic, fundamentalist, Bible-believing, tongue speaking, balck and white background that preached if you were not having victory in your life you were not praying enough, you were not reading your Bible enough, etc. Gays were going to hell. Sundays and Thursdays were spent at church singing, jumping in the aisles with hands raised, prayer after the service to either become born-again, pray for deliverance, slain in the spirit, renew our commitment to Jesus, etc. Wednesdays were spent as an adult volunteer in the youth group. My whole life was engulfed by church activity and never did i really deal with the deep things going on in my soul. i always had attractions to females but pushed those feelings down and white-knuckled it.
i went to go get my M.Div at Pat Robertson's graduate school, Regent University, in VA Beach, VA. It was there i became deeply depressed because i was dealing with shit from my mom and i had my first relationship with another woman. i lived in self-hatred and self-loathing mixed with pleasure. i became suicidal and ended up in a Christian psych program for a month at 2 different times in a psych hospital. i was devastated because i was being told i had to deal with these same sex issues and pray them away! i even started going to Exodus sponsored conferences and did a program called Living Waters 2 times. i was always going up for prayer at the Vineyard Church i was attending. i learned that it all stemmed from broken relationships with my mom and dad, etc. The feelings might wane for a short period because i was pushing them down and white knuckling it. The attarctions always lurked in the background though!
When i moved to Los Angeles in 1997, i re-connected with a guy i dated in grad school who told me he was gay. We ended up going out to gay bars together and deeply bonding. So, i began to live this double life of attending church and gay bar hopping. i dated a couple of people but nothing ever amounted to anything. I even began to be vulnerable and open up to some friends at church that i struggled with this in hopes it would help. Nothing helped!
i began reading Brian McLaren because i was interested in postmodernism. i always had questions and doubts about the certainties of my faith but was afraid to mention them out loud for fear of rejection. Black and white platitudes were just not working for me anymore. i almost walked away from my faith but reading McLaren showed me there was another way to explore my faith. In 2002 i decided to do a DTS (Discipleship Training School) with YWAM (Youth With A Mission) in N. Ireland. i told G-D i was giving him a chance to really show himself to me. At the time i said i would not pursue being gay but i really needed a sign from him.
i met Pete Rollins the last week of the lecture phase before going to Romania on my 10 week outreach. His thinking radically impacted me by tearing down even more the certain religion i had come out of. i had a major paradigm shift in my thinking/beliefs/faith and how i viewed G-D. It wrecked me in a good way! i stayed on as staff for another year before returning home due to health issues. i had to have back surgery in Sept, 2004 and in March 2005 i was diagnosed with Chronic Lyme Disease. i was in bed a lot and had much time to think and ponder and read. i tried dating men but it was disasterous.
i finally started talking to G-D about my same sex attractions. i also began reading Mel White, John Shelby Spong and Marcus Borg. i began meeting more liberal minded people and clergy and asking innocuous questions. i don't know how i finally came to the point, but i did in Sept. 2006. i recognized i am queer, i am fine with that, G-D loves, embraces and celebrates me and my queerness, and i needed to come out. i did and it was the most freeing, weight=lifting, joyous moment of my life.
i don't have all the answers, Jim. i know that i would NEVER choose to be queer. i do think there is a genetic component to it. i have learned with my Chronic Lyme through a genetic test that DNA can be changed from our environment. So, maybe some are born gay, maybe some their DNA is changed in life, and maybe some environmental factors contribute. i do know plenty of people who had issues with parents, sexually abused and the like who are not gay. As Ellen DeGeneres said, 'If people influence your sexuality, then growing up with straight parents, why aren't i straight?' (i am majorly paraphrasing her!)
i personally believe the FEW scriptures used as clobber passages against gays are ripped out of their historical and cultural context. We wear mixed fiber clothing and eat shrimp. i believe Paul was speaking to cultural issues of Temple worship and temple prostitution. Jesus NEVER spoke on the issue. Could i be wrong about all of this? Sure! But i tired of living my life in inauthentic ways.
Marriage has been redefined: Women were property and had no rights, as is the case in some cultures today. Polygamy was rampant. Blacks used to not be able to marry whites. So, because culture does not allow us to marry in most states, that does not mean loving relationships should be deemed as sin. Also, it's more than about sex and where the plumbing fits! Sex is more than about procreation. Monogamy is GOOD.
Ok, that was long but i hope this helps and gets the conversation rolling. Anyone else feel free to chime in with your stories/experiences/struggles/questions/insights.
Adele -
-
Permalink Reply by Jim Cendrowski on -
Adele,
Thank you for your story. Sharing our stories makes us vulunerable and vulnerability is the major component to true, authentic community, which is missing in a lot of our churches these days.
I believe that for most of my time following Jesus, I have not been settled with the hard and fast ruling of queers by the majority of churches. I have always thought that there was more to this conversation. I see that you too went through a time where you also believed that being queer was sin as well and thus the reason for your suppression.
I am not sure about all the genetic science other than I recently heard that genetics may influence, but are not the end all and experiences have a big part in shaping us.
I think I am leaning more toward the view that being queer is the product of our society just as how relating to one another in relationships is a product of our society. It may not be the best way, but this too can be redeemed as queer relationships reflect selfless, giving, sacrificial love just as a traditional relationship can. I am not totally settled with my thoughts on this, because it gives the impression that being queer is lesser.
It's getting late and I'm having trouble putting my thoughts together, so that's it for now. If anyone has any thoughts on these thoughts, please feel free to comment, and, Adele, I look forward to our continued conversation.
Jim -
© 2012 Created by Steve K..
Powered by 
.
